The New Star of New Eden

There is a new bright star in New Eden. I found this story in a big black skill book from the Gideon Corporation that was laying in my Captain's Quarter:

The Third Account

In those days Caesar Mittani issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire New Eden Cluster. This was the first census that took place while a Goon was governor of Deklein. And everyone went to their own starting system to register.

So Joseph Capbuilder also jumped up from the system of Nazhgete in Derelik to Tash-Murkon Prime, because he belonged to the house and line of Tash-Murkon. He went there to register with Mary Hauler, who was pledged to be his alt and was expecting a noob. While they were there, the time came for the noob to leave the clone vat, and she gave 10 million ISK to the third alt, a son. She installed some learning implants in him and placed him in a separate Captain’s Quarter, because there was no room available for more than one capsuleer in each Captain’s Quarter.

And there were some miners living out in the asteroid fields nearby, keeping watch over their precious rocks all night. An Angel of the Cartel appeared to them, and the glory of the Cartel shone around them, and they were terrified. But the Angel Cartel Commander said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the capsuleers. Today in the star system of Tash-Murkon Prime a Noob has been born to you; he is The Third Account, a saviour of CCP. This will be a sign to you: You will find a noob boarded in his noobship and ship spinning in a hangar.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the Angel Cartel Commander, praising CCP and saying,

“Glory to CCP in the highest north, and in New Eden peace to those on whom their favor rests.”

When the Angels had left them and warped into space, the miners said to one another, “Let’s go to Tash-Murkon Prime and see this thing that has happened, which CCP has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary Hauler and Joseph Capbuilder, and The Third Acount, a noob, who was ship spining in the hangar. When they had seen him, they spammed all open chat channels concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who read it LOLed and WTFed at what the miners said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in one of her jumpclones. The miners returned, glorifying and praising CCP for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.