Saftsuze And His League of Extraordinary Scumbags

So. There is not much to report from my space travels. The past month has been a rather expensive one in terms of losses and it is mostly due to stupidity, complacency and a bit of burn out. On the good side: I have done some excellent office work this month showing me record high profits on my market activities! As much as I like to make wrecks in space, I too have to make this lifestyle possible by keeping a constant flow of ISK into my coffers, so I thought I would share some of my strategies for managing my wallet.

I make my ISK in different ways. Here they are, in the order of how fun I think it is:

1. Loot from other players. Obviously, this is the best way to make ISK as someone's ship has to explode.
2. Ransoms. This is the next best, as I feel so sexy when others hand me their ISK at gunpoint.
3. Trading. This is OK, since it is actually a bit challenging, and not so time consuming, and also it is other people’s ISK that end up in my wallet. As you probably understand now: I like other people’s ISK.
4. Planetary production. I always forget to follow up my facilities planet side. But sometimes I remember and I make a few millions of it here and there.
5. Stealing. I stole around two billions from a corp in my early days as I was fascinated by this possible avenue of profit. I am trying again, but it is so boring to spend time in an anti-pirate industrial corporation gaining trust, so I am not sure I see this one through. But I do like other people’s ISK...
6. Mission running and mining. This is something I do in the corp I am trying to steal from. Yes, I sometimes even enjoy it if I am particularly bored and tired.

For all these activities I have three active training licences for capsuleers and have hired several associates under these licenses. Here are my gang of scumbags:

Mr. Trader. My fence and main trader. Has a lot of the trading skills maxed out and flies transport ships. I contract all my scattered loot to him and he now and then makes a huge pick up round, then sort out the useful modules and contract them to Mr. Shopper. The rest he sells on the market. He is also a legit trader and my main source of income.

Mr. Shopper. Flies an Orca and transport ships. Runs some planetary facilities, but apart from that his main purpose is to spend ISK on ships and modules I want, and then deliver them to me. By keeping my trading activities and shopping needs split between these two associates I have a very good idea of my profit margin on my trader, and how much ISK I have for splurging.

Mr. Mission Runner & Miner. He is the one who did the big heist that kept me floating in my early days. A bad man. But I am considering relieving him of his dark and deceitful orders as it is very time consuming. Well, nothing much more to say about him. He flies everything from industrials, exhumers and combat ships.

Mr. Junior Trader. He is a completely untrained capsuleer, but he has the ability to use five market orders. So he can effectively station trade without any training. Has made me maybe 200 millions in a few months with very little effort.

So there you have it. I have a few other capsuleers contracted under my current licences, but they are not involved in wallet management, so they have not been mentioned here. It has taken some time, but finally I feel I have some control on my ISK situation and the infrastructure in place for a rather nomadic scumbag life.

Now. Let’s buckle up for some more exploding spaceships this month. Preferably not mine.

Who you gonna call? THE TUSKERS!

“Apocalypse Navy Issue tackled in Jovainnon Solar System.”

The message to The Tuskers is brief and to the point. Not mentioning my current state of bliss and uncontrollable endorphins. I try my best to act like a cool, cold-blooded killer. Not just some overheated hothead riding rusty Rifters.

Let’s backtrack a little. Two minutes earlier I arrived Jovainnon in my - big surprise - Rifter. It was one of those strange moments when nothing seems to make sense. I had an Apocalypse Navy Issue on my directional scanner. And only two pilots in the local communications channel - except yours truly.

An Apocalypse Navy Issue. In Jovainnon. The single system between Aeschee, home of big scary ships, and Hevrice, home of the notorious and always actively hunting Tuskers. This is not a system you want to bring your most expensive ships without any support. So, I figure, this must be some kind of intricate trap beyond my comprehension. And, usually when I find a single battleship in a low security system, it is on a mission from some dodgy agent. And then I will need to get probes. But, I do what I always do when I find something: I pinpoint it's location with the directional scanner.

It is in a belt. A solo Navy Issue battleship floating all alone in an asteroid belt!

This is where my brain kicks in and starts working. Against me. A Navy Issue Battleship working for CONCORD’s meagre bounties for the local Serpentis? This can’t be true. I smell a rat. I stall. I don’t warp in. Then slowly, my brain starts to work with me. I am next to The Tuskers home. A group of pirates I have locked horns with on many occasions, but also have called in for backup whenever a target of opportunity has appeared. They are bad news, but they can be trusted. I make my communication channel with The Tuskers ready for input, and hurl my Rifter towards the belt. Apocalypse! Now!

There it is. This giant construction, most certainly made by Matari slaves, stationed between the rocks doing CONCORD’s dirty work. I overheat my afterburner and warp scrambler and the blood-rush is like nothing else I’ve felt for a long time.

This is when The Tuskers are informed about the trapped battleship. They respond at once. Within a few seconds, and after a few downed Hobgoblins, I receive an official invite to a Tuskers fleet. I accept and the fleet jumps into system and it all happens so fast that for a moment, that I panic and think I’m in a pod. The damage on my shields has suddenly disappeared from my HUD! And that, for me, usually means my ship has been stripped off my capsule. Well. Not this time. This time, it was actually my first experience of being remotely repaired by a logistics ship. You see... I fly solo.

Then the Tuskers scary looking front-man and public “face”, Suleiman Shouaa, asks me if I want to ransom or kill. They sure live up to their reputation as pirates of honor: They have all the power to do whatever they want with me and the Battleship-pilot, but still they want me to make the decision. I go for the kill. The pod, however, decides to turn down the offered ransom, and in retrospect the demand was a bit too high. But, hey, this guy looked like he had lots of kredits to burn since he was cleaning low sec belts in a Navy Issue. So, the offered ransom was not out of the blue.

The Tuskers public face. Suleiman Shouaa.

Then, a very polite Suleiman Shouaa hauls the loot to the nearest station and contracts me all of it. What a bunch of clean and polite pirates!

So, there you have it. If you ever happen to stumble upon The Tuskers: Treat them with the respect they deserve and you shall be rewarded. This applies whether you are one of their unlucky customers, a fellow pirate of honor or a roaming scumbag scavenger like myself.

I wish the fleet good luck and warp to a safe to cool down and analyze my current situation. This month is turning out to be one of my most ISK efficient months ever. It started with a very big explosion when some fellow pirates of the Molden Heath loop had caught a Thanatos and invited everyone to participate in killing it. I was next door in a bomber and  managed to jump in and get a few volleys of torpedos into its burning hull. Then Alex “Jaguar God” Medvedov caught a Sleipnir but needed more damage to break its tank. I suicided a Rupture against it’s shields and armour and that made the difference and the loot value replaced my ship. And then I found the already mentioned Apocalypse Navy Issue. Add a few assault frigates and a battleship or two to the kill list, and you will understand I am having good times!

My associates are doing a good job with all kinds of endeavours, and even though I am loosing too many ships at the moment, the ISK situation is better than it has ever been before. So maybe it is time to order a stack of Jaguars?