Friday, December 30, 2011

Shooting For The Moon

My Taranis disappeared from the system with a flash. But wait! What was that appearing on my last second 360 degree scan report? An unnamed Vexor class cruiser? What was it doing out here in this part of the system? No asteroid belts around. Probably running a mission for one of those unfriendly agents that finds pleasure in sending fresh recruits into low security space to harden them up.

On the other side of the gate I went looking for another unnamed space vessel that appeared on my scanner. However, that Vexor was still hovering in the back of my consciousness. I had a hunch he was not on a mission.

I turned around and jumped again, adjusted my head and hit scan as soon as I was able to sort out what was what in my ship’s system interface. There it was again, this mysterious cruiser in this empty corner of the solar system. I ordered my ship's core scanner to report any cosmic anomalies, but the result was just more emptiness. I did a 360 degrees directional scan to look for any starbases, but nothing. I looked for wrecks, but there was none.

Was the Vexor a ghost ship? Had it been boarded by Sansha’s Nation? Was I witness to the beginning of a Sleeper invasion from the wormholes? What the hell was going on here?

I started a manual directional scan for the purpose of narrowing down the ghost ship. Since there was really nothing special in this part of space, except a planet and the already mentioned gate, I ordered the scanner to accept all results. Maybe I could get a clue to why this ship was floating around in empty space.

I twinned the tip of my moustache – in my mind, of course, since I was soaked in that awful pod goo – and smiled as I narrowed down the Vexor. A moon! I entered warp as I asked myself: What are you doing at a moon, Mr. Magical Mystery Cruiser?

The warp bubble collapsed and my overview grid loaded. The cruiser was 300 km away, keeping a steady course straight into emptiness at 200+ meters per second. A ghost ship. The pilot must have lost consciousness. Or maybe hot-wired himself into a holoreel? Oh, why bother with probable causes – I have a job to do! The Vexor must be turned into space junk!

Then, suddenly, when my Taranis got within 100 km off the Vexor, my Federation Navy Speech-To-Text-O-Matic Communication Transponder Mk. III made a silly noise (my customized notification sound) and spit out a sentence from the pilot of the Vexor:
Joachim Chelien > You waznt something?
An unnamed Vexor in the hands of a fresh recruit. I would be lying if I said I wanted a ransom. I lied:
Saftsuze > i waznt ISK!
There was no sign of a blinking wallet on my NeoCom. I was still out of range and that general statement about wanting ISK was merely a tactic of making myself not so scary. I’ve been known to look quite scary in a certain angle and a full moon light. He made no attempt to escape, just kept a steady course towards the emptiness. Oh yes, I would be happy to give him the experience of total emptiness!

80 km later: Locked, scrammed and three smoking barrels!
Joachim Chelien > I cant hit you
Three Ogre I in orbit. I laughed in their general direction.
Joachim Chelien > Maybe just now
The one hit he got. A pinch of red on my shields display.
Saftsuze > you can hit me with ISK!
Still no blinking wallet.
Joachim Chelien > Bye
I guess he realized it was time to meet the emptiness.
Saftsuze > bye *

* Must. Remember. To. Ransom. Pod.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Return To Consciousness


After having blown up and leaving millions of ISK in Faction Modules floating in space, I felt tired. I was overheated and burnt out. The change of pace was good: Flying expensive was a thrill! But I was getting a reputation for dropping good and profitable loot - and it was time for a break.

I had this great reality-holoreel called “Real Life” that I wanted to plug into. It’s a story about a man living on the ancient planet known as Earth. He is a regular mortal living a quiet family life with his wife and kids. A great escape from the realities of being a scumbag Capsuleer! So, by hot-wiring some circuits in my pod, I disconnected the signals emitted to space and plugged my consciousness directly into the holoreel I had already installed in my pods in-flight entertainment system. And just like that, my pod disappeared from all directional scanners in space, and I was inside the reality of “Real Life”.

But now I am back. Plugged into reality again. My pod signaling to all that care to use their directional scanner: I am an object in space. Most likely wrapped in a cheap Rifter class frigate destined for destruction in an overheated race to death!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Impossible Project

I was standing in front of yet another scratchy and badly lit Minmatar mirror in yet another station somewhere in Molden Heath. I was getting ready to jump to another clone in another region where I had a stack of Rifters. This station is also close to where the Black Guards of Mr. Nash Kadavr are running their operations. Now, this is a bunch of pilots to be respected, but after the wrong pronunciation of R1FTA’s full name in an audio broadcast to the community of capsuleers, my fellow R1FTA director, Kaeda Maxwell, had decided it was necessary to punish them. So we were at war at the time. And I figured I ought to make an effort in this war. Hence the forthcoming clone jump. But I hesitated.

I hate clone jumping. It’s messy and you get kind of confused and unconsentrated. And I am already that by default.

My mind was wandering. I looked around. Damn, I wish those Gallente architects and interior designers would get some better quarters ready soon, I’m getting sick of the pointy scrap metal all over the place. When spending a lot of time inside overheated Rifters, entering a Minmatar quarter isn’t exactly what you would call a good and healthy change of scenery. It doesn’t exactly sooth your mind. I need some fresh, posh and good looking Gallente quarters soon. To cool down my head.

I need that. When am I gonna manage to keep my head cool? Project Love Boat isn’t exactly going as panned. I have been pushing my love boats into impossible situations whenever I’ve had the chance. I thought the special and sometimes expensive fittings would put me off risking too much. But no. I am still throwing my ships up against the unknown. And even the known. Engaging Alex ‘Jaguar God’ Medvedov’s Jaguar – with my Federation Navy Comet (Cassiel)... was, well, not so wise. Too long since I’ve been managing drones, so that small flight of ECM-drones didn’t help me escape either.

So. Project Love Boat is not going too well. I have updated the statistics for it. It is grim reading. My fellow rebel Tomba’s words of wisdom are still ringing in my ears: “This project is against your nature, Saftsuze. It’s as if you were going to live in a monastery as monk.”

He is right. I am not the cool and clean killer I’d like to be. I am an adrenaline junkie that hungers for destruction. That’s why I fly. That’s why I only dock when I need to repair my ship, my moustache - or get a new one. A ship, that is, not a new moustache! But, I want to become better. I want to loose less ships, and I want the others to loose more.

But I need that rush. I need fresh bodies in my cargohold. I need stolen modules in my hanger. I need screaming ships on fire and sweat dripping from my moustache.

Better get that clone jump done with. I feel a strong urge to undock. Careful Consideration, level 5, has been pushed further back in the queue.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Daredevil Deathmatch & Hulk Happiness

I was visiting old hunting grounds. Once again back in a disposable Rifter. My Love Boats have been receiving, well, not too much love. So, Useless Shitcan was definately going to burn tonight.

While I was checking in on some recent developments in internal corporation affairs, a small piece of information from the directional scanner caught my interest. I had already noticed the two very young pilots I was sharing the system with, so when the ship type Daredevil was reported by my scanner, I immediately left corp business and started working.

Oh, sweet Amarrian Gods, whatever their names are, there is a Daredevil ratting in a belt! Guaranteed to be piloted by a very young pilot! I’m already in warp and i prime my scram and afterburner preparing to catch him. 45 seconds later I am making all kinds of strange noises and movements inside my pod for my great victory! A Daredevil killed by a Rifter! FANTASTIC!

Then I notice I am in my pod. Sigh. He must have had 3 percent left of structure. I dock and grab my own Daredevil that happens to be the only nearby ship and go looking for him, and I almost manage to catch him, but alas.

Well, since it is my only ship around, I take my Daredevil to the next door system and find that an old “friend” of mine is in there. He is a miner and has earlier given a few Covetors and Iterons to my hungry Rifters. So where is he? Nowhere, according to the scanner. But lets check one thing before we leave, might he have left a full jet can or five to go pick up with a hauler? Bingo! Jet can found and bookmarked. And out of system we go.

5 minutes later: I’m jumping in, warping straight to the can. The Hulk that was there was saved for a ransom of 90 million ISK.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Incapable of Love

This useless old fucker with his twinkling cunt
Doesn't care if he gets hurt

Green eyes, green eyes
Green eyes, green eyes


Nick Cave: "Green Eyes" from The Boatman’s Call, 1997 AD (Ancient Time System), Old World, Earth

I'm in my pod. Again. Plenty of time for reflection. What did I just do? Well, I lost the first ship of Project Love Boat. Green Eyes is no more. Taken down by the web and drones of an Ishkur that also managed to snag a few hits with his blasters, if I remember correctly. I am always a bit dizzy after such fights. It was a good fight, I didn't go down fast. But I did go down. And it was my own fault. I was barging in as if I were in a Rifter. I didn't show Green Eyes the love and respect she deserved. Lesson learned.

I'm in my pod. Again. What is it with me? Can't I take it easy, just once? Was it wise to engage Loretta (Lottie) in a fight with a Sabre? All alone? The very same Sabre I used a Dramiel to kill once before, but with a gang? Lesson clearly not learned, man! Where is the love and care you promised to show your ships? This is getting embarrassing. And it is going nowhere! Two Republic Fleet Firetails down, and what did they kill? ONE SINGLE RIFTER AND IT'S POD.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Project Love Boat

So keep your candle burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore
Nick Cave: "Into My Arms" from The Boatman’s Call, 1997 AD (Ancient Time System), Old World, Earth

Green Eyes – one of the four Republic Fleet Firetails
that is part of the Project Love Boat
As I headed out for low security space in my very first fit-for-fight-Incursus, a mantra was going through my head: Your ship will explode, do not get attached to it, there is another one waiting in the hanger.

This is what you learn from the experienced when you first head out to shoot other capsuleers beyond the reach of CONCORD's cold hands. Do not get attached to your ship. Have no love for your ship. It is not an individual. And soon you get into the habit of buying ships in stacks, and maybe you even get a shopping assistant to handle it for you, and you make spreadsheets to accurately summarize exactly how many modules and crates of ammo you need for your next 50 frigates. And then you go and make your ships explode whenever you have the chance to throw it against something big and shiny. And soon you have to get another stack.

Congratulations! You have learned not to get attached to your ship. This is good.

But it is also bad. Yes, you will get some great kills this way, because you are taking chances and expanding the pool of possible targets. But, you will also die in a lot of stupid and easily avoidable engagements. I can testify to that. The lack of love for my ships has made me more reckless and less concentrated while hunting. When there are 50 more frigates ready to be fit exactly as the one you are flying, then you tend to not care much. I want to change that.

I have decided to fit up twenty ships, each one with a unique fitting. Some expensive and some cheap, but they will all receive love and special attention and I will keep a tight record on their performance. I will spend almost all my ISK on this project, but that is also an intended premise: I am gonna fly stuff I can't afford to replace. That will make me care and make better decisions. I hope. So, say hello to Project Love Boat: I am captain Stubing, and this is my crew: 1 Dramiel, 3 Rifters, 1 Daredevil, 4 Firetails, 1 Incursus, 2 Ishkurs, 2 Vengeances, 3 Jaguars, 2 Taranis, 1 Loki.

May they keep returning to my hangar and die only from age and exhaustion.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

We can kill Santha!

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
– Haven Gillespie, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, late 1920s, Old World, Earth

There I was. Alone in my Rifter once again. In a low populated low security pocket. My customized Gallente Parlais Detection Amplifier II made some strange noises and a local pilot opened up a private conversation:
santha hunter > where are you!
santha hunter > what are you doing!
Saftsuze > looking for trouble as always
santha hunter > we can kill santha!
santha hunter > do you want!
Saftsuze > can we?
santha hunter > yes or!?
santha hunter > you dont want!?
santha hunter > what is your kind of ship!?
Saftsuze > rifter is my kind of ship
Saftsuze > where is santha?
santha hunter > :) on the asteroyd!
santha hunter > on all!
Saftsuze > on all?! wow, we should get there, then - what is your kind of ship?
Saftsuze > yeah, i wanna kill santha!
Saftsuze > where do we meet?
santha hunter > on the station 3-m7
santha hunter > dont kill me1 ok1 and I dont kill you1
Saftsuze > i am in the belt III-1
Saftsuze > santha is here!
santha hunter > ok!
santha hunter > I fly to you!!!!
He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town 


I gave him 2 million ISK for the entertainment provided. Well, he actually asked for it as a loan, but I wanna get on Santa's nice list as well.



Endnote: Chat log slightly edited for your reading pleasure.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Can I see the menu, please?

Be my guest:

The Menu of 
The Criminal Countdown Lounge

Aperitif
Testimonials
A fine selection of Opinions, Judgements and Greetings
from other capsuleers sprinkled with a touch of pride.

Main Course
The Log
Hearty Fights and tender Chat Logs from Flying in Space
served with Moustache Mojo Sauce.

Cheese Plate
The Library
Heavy tools, light and smooth tips and tricks
followed by strong guides.

Sweet numbers of ISK collected by violent persuasion. Melting fast.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Steamy Rifter Windows

Me and Lady Shaniqua in local. Alone. I did not manage to come up with something smart to say, and she left. Of course. I am a nobody compared to her. Did she at least notice my moustache?

Thankfully she appeared again a few systems further down my route. In that same system was also my corp mate Lhorenzo with his wonderfully wierd trippel propped Dramiel. But he was not there for long and Lady Shaniqua judged his fit in typical fashion: “Two afterburners? That is DUBBALY KRIMINAL!”

Could I avenge my poor corp mate, who also has a crush on the lady? After a long and hard think, I proposed a Rifter duel. The Lady did not let me down and told me to meet her in Ardar, where she had a Rifter “of some sort”. On my way there I had to consider what kind of Rifter to bring as I had a stack of them nearby. It was clear to me that my only chance was to avoid a close up fight. It was time to fly the 280mm Howitzer Fit, stolen and refined from my corp mate Tomba, who again stole it from the late Sobczynski. I named it Moustache Man and warped to the Ardar gate.

Lady Shaniqua instantly invited me to a Bunker in system and I warped to 100 km off the warp-in point, but via a safe spot in system in case she had outsmarted me and was waiting 100 km off the bunker aligned to the gate I was coming from. It worked. She was 47 km away. Perfect. Last time I fought with this arty fit I got too close and an overheated web killed me. I was not going to make that mistake again. I aimed for a slightly wider orbit than last time. Every module was overheated. My heart was overheated. My fingers were overheated. The pod goo surrounding me was boiling.
Lady Shaniqua > I knew you would bring one of those annoying arty Rifters. 
And I knew I had to bring one to have a tiny little chance to VIOLENCE HER BOAT.

End note: With everything on fire - my hands, my ship, my modules and my mind - I ended a great night out with the signature action of an overheated hothead: Making a stupid mistake. Moustache Man was supposed to ornate my hanger, heavily damaged with only approximately 15 % hull left, as a reminder for me to always keep trying the impossible. It ended like every other Rifter I’ve owned: As a wreck in space. I had warped to a gate and only then noticed I had a Global Criminal Countdown going on. And so ended a night of great achievements for a humble Rifter pilot.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Moustache Mojo Level V

It started with a long and hard look in the mirror. Once again I was about to clutter my handsome looks with nasty pod goo and go look for trouble in my Rifter. I told the man in the mirror that this messy affair would have to better be worth it, or else I would have to just start walking in stations instead of flying in space. This time, I said to myself, I will kill something, and, I will survive.

I'm looking at the man in the mirror.


With my moustache ruined once again by the pod goo, I undocked and fired up the directional scanner. Thrasher on 360. Hmm. Mostly nasty pilots in local, but one fresh recruit. If he is the Thrasher pilot, then maybe Old Man's Rifter stands a chance. It was him.

Refreshed by an ice cold body in the cargohold, I headed towards newly scouted systems, still eager to kill — and survive. I found a Punisher lurking at a planet, and since he was having trouble with his ammo loading system, I took him down with ease. Lady Luck was smiling to me. I smiled back.

I gave the Punisher pilot a few tricks on how to hack the ammo system by manually overriding the weapon systems grouping computer, as I just had learned myself from my corp mates. We departed on good terms and the hunt for other flying objects continued.

I headed for a pocket. I have good experiences with pockets. You can find a lot of interesting stuff if you stick your hand into a pocket: Fresh recruits with a false feeling of safety. Naive miners thinking this is off limits for flashy red scumbags. Mission runners with no clue that they have left CONCORD protected space. And other lone hunters like myself. You very seldom find blobs of "elite" fighters.

In this very pocket I poked around for a bit and a Dramiel appeared. That usually means I am moving on. But, as I was in a low populated pocket, I could be very certain this Dramiel was piloted by a fresh pilot. He could very well be feeling safe and invincible in his ├╝bership of awesomeness. I narrowed him down to a belt, but when I landed I was alone among the asteroids. Strange. Was he at a safe close to the belt, but off the grid? I started scanning the nearest celestials while sitting still at the central warp-in point. I did not have to scan for long. He came to me.

I was wrong: He wasn't feeling safe. He was feeling cocky, that young, spoiled and rich brat. But youngsters tend to be a bit too eager and never have the stamina for keeping it up long enough. And sure enough, 30 seconds later his shiny Dramiel was a pile of junk just like any other exploded frigate. God damn! The Old Man was feeling sexy tonight!

Now, this would have been a great ending of an explosive night out with Old Man’s Rifter. But there was more to come: Lady Shaniqua! In local!

To be continued.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Moustache Mojo Missing

I have been far too busy lately. My junior crew has been demanding, and so I have spent more time than recommended by the health authorities, on paper work and administration. My doctor has ordered me to get at least one kill on average per day, and keep my 3:1 kill ratio in order to keep my blood pressure down and endorphin production on a healthy level. I have failed on this. And the result is devastating.

I am supposed to feel sexy and deadly when grooming my moustache and boarding yet another Rifter. Instead I feel insecure, nervous and not at all in tip top shape. My mojo is missing.

On the other side of things. My time spent on administration of my little gang of culprits (not the Rebels, they manage very well on their own and under Miura Bulls inspiring leadership) has led to new opportunities in ISK-making activities, and hopefully it will culminate in a decent heist making me enough ISK to keep Rifters exploding for a few months.

Now. I just have to find my mojo, and I will be back with more tales of moustache powered battlecruiser take-downs. Or just a mining Navitas. There will be pod goo.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Milk Men and Their Bottleship

I was out looking for trouble, when one of The Milk Men, a milk delivery service corporation based in a backwater low sec pocket, and whose services I had been interrupting for a while, spoke out in the public local communication channel:

Zen RaKis > all kidding aside, that is indeed a sexy moustache

He was right, and boosted by this statement of the obvious, I felt rather invincible. I jumped into their headquarter system with my cursed Jaguar (those Jaguars dies on me all the time) looking for a treat of calsium.

When browsing the results of my 360 degrees scan of the central parts of the system, I almost jumped out of my pod when I got to the bottom result: An Abaddon Armageddon (see end note 3). In a system filled with fresh recruits! I narrow him down to a single belt, and sure thing: Here we have a bottleship serving the local Serpentis population milk and cookies! I warp in to get some too. I land almost right on top of him and start pounding him with projectiles and a few rockets on the side.

Drev Olacar > I am screwed lol

Well, I doubt it, because there is a lot of fellow Milk Men in system, and I know it is only a matter of time before they show up. His armor is however slowly withering away. Then, as I suspected, a Hurricane, a Myrmidon and a Caracal shows up on my scanner result. Oh well, I will keep on firing until they arrive: This guy deserves a lesson. And that Noble Exchange store needs to build up demand for new underwear!

But they don’t show up! I keep ripping off his armor plates and no backup shows up on my overview! Hell, I even get into his structure! What is taking them so long? Is there a Serpentis Baron demanding huge amounts of milk delivered? As the following conversation shows: He was indeed in need of new underwear as he kept giving his saviours the wrong location because he was too busy trying to save his new trousers and boots from his rather unpleasant accident.

I was so close to killing a battleship all by myself, so I decided to let my Jaguar be sacrificed to the Assault Ship Gods in a last effort to get the kill. With my guns overheated I exploded as the backup finally landed in the correct belt and sent my Jaguar to join my other Jaguars in Assault Ship Heaven.

Saftsuze > oh my god - that was sooo worth it
Saftsuze > THIS close to soloing a battleship :p
guzmancho > nice bro
Zen RaKis > lol get your sexy moustache out of here :P
guzmancho > i love his mustache =P
guzmancho > hes a cool pirate =P
Zen RaKis > it is truly a thing of beauty
Saftsuze > Drev Olacar - need new underpants? Too bad the Noble Exchange aint got any yet!
White Bear Maricadie > lol
guzmancho > ripped =P
Saftsuze > :D
Zen RaKis > damn it now he is all skully, skully scares me o_O
Drev Olacar > hehe I was so out of my league : )
Saftsuze > You will learn, kid. We have all been there :)
Drev Olacar > you got my adrenaline up that is for sure : )
Zen RaKis > hey at least he wasn't trying to tank a pvp Rifter in a Retriever
Zen RaKis > that doesn't work in case you were wondering o_O
guzmancho > lol
Drev Olacar > nope I leave that to you Zen : )
Saftsuze > Isnt it a beauty? The adrenaline?! I have it too :D
guzmancho > :)
Drev Olacar > having a post coital cigarette now : )
White Bear Maricadie > lol
Saftsuze > Man, I love you Milk Men, you provide vitamins for us pirates with scurvy :)
guzmancho > =P
guzmancho > we also privde the guns and ammo and ships =P
Saftsuze > But guys, you shouldve let me finish off that battleship. It wouldve been my pride kill of all times andDrev Olacar wouldve learned a lesson!
guzmancho > that you use against us >< :D Saftsuze > The EVE economy in a nutshell :D
guzmancho > he has not to give wrong belt liek 4 times =P
Saftsuze > I was wondering why you guys took so long _ LOL
guzmancho > hehe
White Bear Maricadie > 1 more wrong belt and you would of had him

ONE MORE WRONG BELT AND I WOULD’VE HAD HIM!


End note 1:
After this episode I started flying around in a Dramiel. And sure thing: When flying an overpowered ship (in a few days I killed a couple of faction frigates with ease), I get corrupted and start feeling overpowered myself and think I can get away from anything. Well, I am glad that the Milk Men got some nice drops from me so they can continue keeping me fully stocked with milk and cookies and happy hunting times.


End note 2:
After my Dramiel loss I was going back to Rifters. I had a few laying around with a new fitting I wanted to try. However, on my way back in my pod to pick them up I noticed a Dominix in a mission. I quickly got a probing ship and pinpointed him. Now, the only viable ship in my hanger to kill it with was a Dramiel! So back into a Dramiel I go, and boom goes my first solo battleship kill! Of course it would've been a lot more stylish in a Rifter, but there was not time to get one.


End note 3:
After showing mr. Drev Olacar this heroic tale of my doomed Jaguar, he made me aware that it was his Armageddon I had attacked and not an Abaddon. Well, there you go, I've barely stuck my pod into a cruiser, so how would I know the difference? Anyway, it was a big big battleship!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Me Killed Drake, Me Now GOOD Kill!

Capessa > it's exhausting me chasing you around Saftsuze!
Capessa > would you just stay still for a bit! lol
Saftsuze > oh, are you chasing me?
CptBen > he's delaying for backup
Capessa > nah, he's a good solo pilot, even though I see he's joined a new crew
Capessa > I saw him solo a drake in his rifter once
Capessa > I was too far away to get to him until it went pop
Saftsuze > yeah, we competed for that drake, didnt we?
(Log slightly edited for readability)
At this point I had to break out of my little moment of narcissism as I realised I was at a gate and being targeted by a Harbinger or something of that size - so I had to jump.

A bit later I find a noob in a Rupture and start pounding his armor with no effect. Then I notice a local pirate entering local and I probably have to accept that this kill is going to be lost to his Stabber Fleet Issue. I get out of disruptor range just as he lands on grid. Since I am such a gentleman scumbag, I offer a salute in local:
Saftsuze > o7 Buck
Buck Flintrock > howdy
Buck Flintrock > fast little bastard
Buck Flintrock > lol
Saftsuze > you didnt get him either?
Buck Flintrock > I was trying to get you
Buck Flintrock > black rifter is better kill than some noob lol
Saftsuze > :D
Randolph Wambaugh > uh I'm right here guys
Saftsuze > LOL
Buck Flintrock > oops sorry
So, it turns out I am no longer the noob I was last summer. I like it. But I still die a lot, though, so don't get too proud if you happen to make me go boom!

Now, go read Bucks blog over at http://buckflintrock.blogspot.com/!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Friday, June 17, 2011

Brutix Brutally Broadsided by Babysitting Black Rebel

I was in my Rifter. Not a big surprise, huh? Anyway. I was fairly concentrated inside my pod, and the junior crew members had just gone to bed in their quarters. But a Rifter is not known for its roomy interior and certainly not for sound proof walls. And that noisy warp drive probably kept the junior crew from getting deep into their beauty sleep. So, I had to leave my pod several times to calm them down. Yes, it is possible to leave your pod in a slightly modified Rifter: It’s messy and it’s a hassle - involving a lot of duct tape and cleaning up pod goo, but it is doable once you learn the tricks. Having a junior crew makes you kind of used to goo of all kinds, anyway.

All right! So, back in the pod again, I spot a Brutix on 360 degrees d-scan. It has been named after it’s unimaginative and rookie owner and with the junior crew sleeping tight, I manage to quickly narrow it down to an asteroid belt. Thankfully, that directional scanner makes very little noise.

I fire up the warp drive and prey that the junior crew now is deep into their sweet dreams. Yes! I land on top of the Brutix, locks it up within a few seconds and start spewing loads of Republic Fleet projectiles against its shields. So far: Everything goes as planned. I calmly overheat my guns and settle for a tight orbit. Probably a bit too tight, cause now the junior crew is wide awake again and demands attention - now! I leave my pod once again, while my Rifter is in tight orbit of the Brutix, run to their quarters and get back as soon as I can, only to find the gunnery indicators telling me my autocannons have burnt out! Damn! How could I be so stupid and leave my guns overheated while away from the pod?

Now, what do I do? My single rocket launcher is still going, well, not strong, but still going. But with my lousy rocket skills I’m not gonna break the tank of a Brutix with a single launcher!

I’m pondering what to do, still in orbit, firing Caldari Foxfire Rockets. This is gonna be embarrassing to let go. If I dock up and repair it will probably escape back to high security space and CONCORDS long arms. But no way the rocket launcher will take him down, so this one is probably lost. I sigh and make preparations to dock when I notice something. The armor of the Brutix is slowly withering away! What? Am I breaking his tank with my rockets? Yeah, baby! I am! Lick my moustache, Brutix!

I try to remain calm, not to wake the junior crew again, but this is just fantastic! I am taking down a battlecruiser with a single rocket launcher!* And after a reload and a little while, the Brutix explodes - and the junior crew sleeps right through it! Hooray!

A quick inspection of the the wreckage shows that the Brutix did not fit a tank whatsoever! Good luck for me, and just plain stupid by the Brutix pilot. But, hey, I like stupid!

* OK, I admit a little help from a local Serpentis Baron.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Saftsuze’s Psychiatric Help for Self-Destructive Pilots

Now, some would argue that ratting alone in a battlecruiser - in low security space, with just the very basic skills to even be allowed into the control center of the ship - could be called self-destructive behaviour. I can confirm that this must be the case, as I met such a pilot the other day. He clearly did not want his ship to exist anymore. I offer the following proof: He offered 2,2 million ISK in ransom for his Myrmidon. He self-destructed the ship as it’s hull started disintegrating. I figured he wanted to do the same with his pod, so I helped him. Now he will remain frozen and unable to do more damage to himself - at least that particular clone.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Me? A scammer?! Do I look like one?

Naive Missionrunner > anyone want to make 30 mil for being a courier - 1 jump., 4500 vol?
Local Pirate In Disguise > yeah sure
Local Pirate In Disguise > where are you
Naive Missionrunner > fed mart
Local Pirate In Disguise > come out then
Local Pirate In Disguise > I more an outdoor type
Local Pirate In Disguise > *I am
Naive Missionrunner > the pickup is here
Naive Missionrunner > ill contract privately
Local Pirate In Disguise > ah
Naive Missionrunner > its for a storyline mission
Naive Missionrunner > i have only a shuttle...
Local Pirate In Disguise > you should come out instead
Local Pirate In Disguise > meet Saftsuze
Naive Missionrunner > ok - contracted
Local Pirate In Disguise > I aint pay you 10 mill for some junk
Naive Missionrunner > k - will you accept for 1mil collateral?
Saftsuze > ill take it for 100 000
Local Pirate In Disguise > no
Naive Missionrunner > ok satsuze, ill contract it
Saftsuze > cool
Naive Missionrunner > done
Naive Missionrunner > thx
Saftsuze > now, how much was that stuff worth to you again?
Naive Missionrunner > 30 mil
Local Pirate In Disguise > and this is how it's done
Local Pirate In Disguise > lol
Saftsuze > ok, you can have it back for 30 mill
Naive Missionrunner > no thanks, ill just take your 100k
Saftsuze > ok
Naive Missionrunner > i mean illl just fail the agent mission and wait for it to come back up after a few... i just figured itd be worth 30mil to you
Saftsuze > ah, not really, but it was worth 100k to see what would happen :D
Naive Missionrunner > lol, ok
Saftsuze > now, why dont you undock and fly around and kill some rats?
Naive Missionrunner > Id rather just go back to my system - only here to complete that mission
Naive Missionrunner > came in a shuttle though... thought i could just pay someone to do it
Naive Missionrunner > have a goodun

He never bought it back, allthough the contract offered to him is still valid for another two weeks, so who knows?

The Impatient Miner and The Loss of His Hulk

hulk [huhlk]
–noun
1. the body of an old or dismantled ship.
2. a ship specially built to serve as a storehouse, prison, etc.,and not for sea service.
3. a clumsy-looking or unwieldy ship or boat.
So, there I was, yet again, looking at my directional scanner showing a clear signal of a Hulk and some kind of industrial ship, obviously mining and hauling, in a low security systems asteroid belt. This situation, it is always a weird moment that consist of disbelief followed by blinking ISK signs, ca-ching sounds and lust for pod goo. I fired up my warp drive and got down to business. Except the Hulk pilot did not want to do business and paid the price. The industrial pilot warped off when I landed and now I noticed on d-scan that he had switched to a carrier! Time to grab the loot and get off grid. Not that I wouldn’t like to kill a carrier, but ... alone in my Rifter?

Saftsuze > wow - now thats something to fight in a rifter!
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > u dont want come
Saftsuze > i was offering ransom, but got no response - bad business decision :P
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > not u will see i make war to u now ;)
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > i will pass some time in station ;)
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > u know what .... some time its better leave in peace some guys ....
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > im the suport of this alliance so u will need to paye me 500M witout that i hunter anywhere u are
Saftsuze > i know, i am in peace with myself
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > good ;)
Saftsuze > 500 mill!! I dont have that!
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > i dont care
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > u need to pay that
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > ;)
Saftsuze > are you gonna hunt me then?
Saftsuze > since i cant pay?
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > lool ur juste a little noob now assume what u do
Saftsuze > shit, i really regret killing that hulk now
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > i dont care i will talk to ur CEO and u need to pay that
Saftsuze > no! dont tell my ceo, he will be so angry at my failure!
Saftsuze > and we dont want no war with carrier pilots like yourself
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > do think im alonw with carrier .. lool we are 2 alliance and we work together ... im de Ceo of the PVP division
Saftsuze > holy crap, i seem to have pissed of the wrong people! i need new underwear now...
Ore Hauler & Carrier Pilot > i just send a message of ur CEO so now i wait his anwser ...
Saftsuze > shit

Needless to say, both the CEO and your handsome director of Black Rebel Rifter Club was pleased. And there was much amusement from the Hulks rather curious sensor boosting fit: I WANNA MINE! NOW! GET THAT ROID LOCKED NOW!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Overheated Hotheads [BURNT] on Ice

So, a two month long adventure has ended. All of the two the members of BURNT has joined R1FTA - The Black Rebel Rifter Club.

But before you shout out FAIL! and I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU SO! I would like to state that the creation of Overheated Hotheads has been one of my most successful endeavours in New Eden. We never reached high membership numbers, but the process of defining the philosophy behind the corp has made me much more aware of what makes my life as a capsuleer a good one.

And the biggest win of all: The Overheated Hot Tub - our public channel. It has become a very entertaining pool to dip into, and the small, but active bathing community, are sharing jokes and fittings and intel all while soaking in. And we all smell a lot better than we used to. Come join us, if you feel like it. The Hot Tub will not be put on ice - that would cause shrinkage!

So, The Black Rebel Rifter Club, you say? Yeah, my good in-game friend and mentor, Miura Bull, has decided to run his own corp again. When seeing that he had ideas very close to mine, and were actually encouraging flying solo, I did not hesitate to offer a transfer of members from BURNT to R1FTA. The successful parts of BURNT are all corp independent so it is easy to bring along into the club. And I am honoured to have been granted a director role and looking forward to build the corp with Miura. Exciting times ahead!

And did I mention that we are recruiting? No, I don't think so: Join The Autocannon and have a chat with us!


End note:

Actually, I take my role as a director so seriously that I went ahead and made my first stupid and expensive explosion this very morning. It is an example of good leadership to show the other Rebels not to worry too much about their losses and killboard stats: We are Rebels, not Elite Soldiers!

(Actually, I warped to 0 when what I really wanted to, was warp to 100 and just get a visual of those battlecruisers. I got webbed and scrammed pretty fast and had no chance. The Jaguar curse seem to still be in place: I am not to fly that ship!)

Some new personal rules:
1. I shall not log on very early in the morning
2. If I break rule number one, a Rifter is the most expensive thing I am gonna fly.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

They said: “You can’t fly solo”

Lately, my roaming grounds have been deserted - or blobbed. And I have managed to do, is getting podded and loose a whole lot of Rifters - with no good fights to justify the losses at all. It’s when these kind of periods comes along you start believing the propaganda that says New Eden has no place for the lone hunter. You become impatient and move restlessly with no rhythm or confidence.

Last night I managed to break out of that cycle, as I decided to not skip the dead end low sec pocket I was about to just skip - because I had not seen anything in there the last ten visits or so. So I dropped in, and I got a warm fuzzy welcome in local! Miners chatting merrily about drones!

A bit later, after having dropped off the loot for collection by my fence, I went back to the same system. Miner 1, from my last adventure, was still in system, but now in a Brutix. I was about to call it a day, but I thought that a nice little scare would be a good ending for the day. Nothing boosts morale like scaring a battlecruiser off grid with your flashy red frigate. I found him killing my allies, the Serpentis, at an anomaly. I warped in at 100 km, after all, my plan was just to say BOO!! and make him have to get some new underwear. But he was not scared.

Now, if you read my last log entry, you will see the following statement by this very Brutix pilot:

Miner 1 > I always keep my Hammerhead II just to keep the rats at bay

So you can guess my excitement when I saw a flight of five Hammerhed Is fighting the Serpentis! Time to live up to being the founder of Overheated Hotheads! With the afterburner overheated, and the scram pre-activated and pre-heated I made quick progress towards the target. When I got him locked down, my HUD showed that my allies had shredded his shield, and that he was armor-tanking the Serpentis. His tank was about to be broken.

I guess he quickly understood this was about more than his underwear, and I can imagine him screaming in some corporate communications channel: Forget about new underwear!! Come save my ass!

His help arrived: A corp mate in a Tristan. I was already in the mental state of The Brutix WILL Go Down Even If I Am Gonna Die. YEAH, BABY!

As stated earlier: Scaring big ships makes me feel really confident.

The Brutix exploded, but the newly arrived Tristan quickly made some gaping holes in my armor plates. My guns where already heavily damaged by the overheating, and my only hope was my energy sucking nosferatu and my armor repairer. Structure was becoming, well, a bit unstructured, but the repairer kept giving me that very small buffer again and again.

My guns were already around 80 percent damaged, but they would have to take some more heat as my structure now was critical and the Tristan still had quite a lot of its hull integrity left. My guns glowed in the darkness, spewed out projectiles and the Tristan soon turned into a ball of fire.

I arrived at my safe with 39 percent left of my hull. My guns had 89 percent damage and my nosferatu 94 percent heat damage. My Rifter was SMOKING HOT AND SEXY! LICK MY MOUSTACHE, BABY!

So, you say you can’t fly solo? If you wanna experience this kind of excitement: Join Overheated Hotheads and you will. Dip into The Overheated Hot Tub for a taste of the exciting life as a Hothead!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Chatting About Drones in Local While Mining in Low Sec

Miner 1 > I always keep my Hammerhead II just to keep the rats at bay
Miner 1 > They are expensive but work well against those BS rats
Miner 2 > ya... i really should train my drones
Miner 1 > I can build the drones so I get them wholesale
Miner 2 > lol lucky
Miner 1 > Took forever to get the skills though to make em
Miner 2 > ya i dont think i can build drones yet.....
Miner 1 > You might be able to build the T1s

Yours truly appears on grid 20 km off Miner 1 & 2.

Miner 1 > run
Miner 2 > cant he jamedd me
Miner 1 > Dang
Miner 1 > What is he in?

I was in a Rifter and the Covetor dropped three Modulated Deep Core Strip Miner IIs. And the pod dropped another frozen corpse for the cold storage.

Monday, May 9, 2011

The soloists forms an ensemble and performs a great crescendo

The Tengu had been on d-scan quite a while. Now, Tengus are not exactly my kind of target, so when I am roaming alone in my Rifter, I mentally ignore them on my scanner. But I had a mate in system that has more experience with bigger and more advanced ships than me and he had a hunch that the pilot of this very Tengu was of the more inexperienced kind.

I cursed my Helios-loss a few days back, but thankfully I still had the trusty old Imicus with Combat Probes I in the cargo hold. I scanned him down in a minute or so - I mean, who needs faction probes and a T2 scanning frigate?

My mate jumped into a Hurricane and I swapped to a ship I seldom fly, but often run away from: A Dramiel. My heart was already pumping and the adrenaline level was raising. Our corp’s public channel, The Overheated Hot Tub, was boiling as I got ready to fleet warp us in. Fleet warp didn’t work, or more probable: I did it wrong, a pesky solo pilot as I am. So, I landed alone. 60 km off the Tengu. He must have been in movement at a safe spot when I scanned him down - a good example for all to follow when at safe spots - but that safety measure wouldn’t save him from the insanely fast beast that had arrived on grid. Within few seconds I had him locked and pointed.

Now the temperature in the already Overheated Hot Tub was rising even more. I was screaming for more damage and more pilots to join. Come now! Now! My corp mate was on his way, just stopping to pick up a Myrmidon on the way, but still had many jumps left. My mate in the Hurricane was in warp after my failed fleet warp. But his Hurricane couldn’t stand the damage from the Tengu and had to quickly warp out. He called for another mate with a Tengu himself. But he was quite a lot of jumps away so I was in for a long orbit, constantly watching newcomers in local, while trying to calm down. I was never calm. I kept wasting my ammo on him even though I had no chance to break his tank. But, hey, I’m never cool and calm, I’m a Hothead!

Thankfully my extreme speed kept me out of harm, until a Badger showed up! Yes, a Badger Mark II, probably piloted by the Tengu pilots alter ego. It shot my drones and actually managed to get a few hits on me as well and worst of all: some e-war stuff made me loose my lock on the Tengu for 10 seconds or so! But I was fast back at him.

The gang was four jumps out now, and I really concentrated on keeping lock and point. And to make a long story short: The Myrmidon and the other Tengu we brought in, made the poor Tengu die faster than a mining Navitas in low security space.

I failed at getting the pod because my hands were shaking and I deactivated the preheating of the warp scrambler, so even though I managed to lock the pod, I didn’t get the scram on him before he warped off. But I had just destroyed 500 millons of ISK. What a rush! The first gang kill by Overheated Hotheads (with associated friends) sure was a bit bigger than I expected!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Up like a Rifter, down like a Drake

So, finally it happened. I found a Drake I thought I would be able to take down with my Rifter. However, it sat on a gate and I needed to provoke it to attack my flashing red Rifter. Just as I was warming up in the local communications channel, a pirate competitor showed up in another Drake clearly on a mission to take on the gate-hugging Drake. I sighed and thought it was lost.

However, EVE pulled one of it’s quick turnarounds of luck and I noticed on the directional scanner that my targeted Drake had escaped and warped to a belt. The Pirate Drake was still out of range on 360 degrees d-scan with max range. I warped in. There he was, shooting the local NPC-pirates 100 km off the belt. Overheating the afterburner and dodging the rocks, I was making quick progress towards it. And it seemed he was either not aligned, not paying attention or just very confident that a lowly Rifter would only make a dent in the shields! Overheating the scram, I got him locked and pointed and I started pounding his shields with Republic Fleet EMP.

Damn! There’s that Pirate Drake on d-scan again. I’m overheating the guns to see how far I can get. My competitor lands on grid. 100 km away! Yay! Many thanks to the Caldari engineers that made the Drake so very very slow. The pirate crawls his way towards me, and I needed to cool down my guns again. The Drake really is slow, so I get to keep on pounding my target and after a while my pirate competitor gives up the slow approach and warps out. Or is he trying to get a better warp in point? Time to overheat again! The tank breaks and suffering starts. I invite my target to Saftsuzes ISK Transfer Service, but no luck on ransom - and there’s that pirate on grid again! 30 km off this time. Time to finish of and get away. And so I did! And there was much rejoicing.

I bragged about it all day, and then, a little later, I undocked in my bling-fitted Helios to scan down a mission runner, got pointed and melted in seconds, just outside a station, by some pesky +5 security status law abiding citizen. So... That's the life of an Overheated Hothead.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Shit happens

I fly solo for a lot of different reasons, but the most important one, is my family life in a small apartment. Flying in fleet needs full attention and dedication from every pilot. I often cannot commit that much. I might have to force quit mid-warp to a target. But sometimes you just long for a bigger fleet.

I was in one of my regular systems when I discovered a Dominix on the directional scanner, obviously doing a mission, since it was not at any celestial bodies. And a young pilot, too. We were the only one in system, but I was in my Rifter and had no probing ship nearby.

Lucky me: A Tusker in a Rifter shows up!

I like the Tuskers, they can be trusted. At least when what you risk is just a Rifter. Have I been killed by Tuskers? Yup. Have I killed any of them? Hmm. Gotta work on that, I think. But this was not a time for a great Rifter duel - it was time to join forces!

I explain the situation and my fellow pirate immediately goes to get a probing ship.

Then shit happens. Literally. Those of you living with kids knows what I am talking about. The rest of you: I will spare you the details. Anyway, I am AFK for at least five, maybe ten minutes. I manage to squeeze in a “sorry family emergency situation” in chat. But by the time I actually get to sit down in front of my computer again, I see the following greeting from the Tusker in local: GF, Saftsuze, u suck dawg :P

A few messages later, it turns out he had warped in on the Dominix expecting me or one of his corpies to show up pretty soon - none of us made it obviously.

I just want to state this: I am really sorry I couldn't follow up on my initiative and I really appreciate that the Tuskers are cool and willing to join in on opportunities like that.

If only real life shit had hit the fan a few minutes earlier, then the Dominix would've felt the stinging pain of being taken down by a few frigates. Shit happens.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Crumbling Cane, Ripping Rifter

Old Man Star. My career as a low life scumbag started here. I did not know at the time about the reputation this system has for death and destruction. Lately, it has however been either empty, or filled with large packs of ships way beyond my target range. So I have not spent much time there lately.

This night, I did however decide to spend some time at my old central safe spot, even though the system was almost empty and only a Hurricane, apart from the local POS-junk, showed up on 360 scan. The Hurricane was in one of the belts. Or at a planet. Four in local. One of them a fresh recruit of the Federal Defence Union. A couple of more experienced pilots also in system. The lust for destruction convinced me and I warped in at 50km off the belt, giving me the opportunity to run if the Hurricane turned out to be piloted one of the more skilled pilots. When I landed I was greeted by the promising sight of the youngster happily looting Serpentis wrecks.

The youngster decided my small Rifter was no threat and continued looting while i burned towards him. Ah, the deceptive power of size!

He was engaging me once I was in range and I tried to keep the transversal high as I manually spiraled towards a close orbit. My shields held and the few Valkyrie-drones did not bother me much at all. But then, suddenly ECM! He did not run, but I kept loosing lock over and over again - not getting much damage done. And after a while my once impressive shields had to give up and I had to dock up for massive repairs of smoking hot guns and some dents in my armour.

The youngster opened up direct communication and bravely greeted me with a good fight. I saluted. But scumbags never give up on a perfect target for ransom. Once the mechanics were done, I undocked. The Hurricane had uninterrupted moved to another belt. Old Man Star certainly was quiet this night. My Rifter was going to change that.

This time I had no intention of running, so I warped in at 0km and landed on top of him - and a Serpentis Battleship! I once shot at those to keep my relations with CONCORD at a decent level. Now I consider them my closest allies. We are all red.

The shields never dipped below 50 percent, the Hurricanes ECM did not work and my overheated autocannons cooperated with the Serpentis Baron and slowly we worked our way through the shield and armour tanked Hurricane. Local spiked with approximately 20 ships and I cursed my luck but was committed to finish what I had started. Luckily they were just passing through and Old Man Star was quiet yet again - except from one particular asteroid belt.

The Hurricanes hull started to show serious structural weakness and the youngster was invited to Saftsuze's ISK Transfer Service communication channel. I wanted to kill it, but I could live with 50 million ISK as well. The pilot only had three. Old Man Star was no longer quiet as an enormous ball of fire exploded in Asteroid Belt 1 at Planet VII.

The Rifter shall from now on be known as Hurricanes Bane.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Best Corp Ever

So, I have started my own corp. A lot of veteran players would probably advice against it, but I think I know what I am doing.

My life outside the pod is filled with family and kids in a small apartment. There is no room for voice comms and I might have to log off mid warp to go and comfort a crying kid. And I really like chatting to my wife while gaming, so ... I’m not the guy you want in huge fleet, and maybe not in a small gang either.

So I fly solo, and I am convinced there must be others out there that plays this game the way I do. So why not team up? Not fleet up, but team up! There’s a lot that can be achieved by working together as a corp even though we are not flying together.

It has been interesting starting the recruitment process. Recruiting really turns the life in New Eden into one interesting social experiment with flying spaceships as a added bonus. So far I’ve had one trolling old vet in The Overheated Hot Tub public channel and one response on my application form saying “worst corp ever”. But also: One new member!

It is actually going just as I predicted: Very slow recruitment – we are after all a niche corp – and we are receiving some smack for being different. Welcome to New Eden. But I have no hairy goal to make Overheated Hotheads the most awesome corp ever and I am in no hurry. We are just small time criminals, and we are free!

Fly solo!
o7

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Honour & Spacefame

Am I an honourable capsuleer in New Eden? Not really. I pop pods when I want and can, I steal and loot all I can and I manipulate fresh young pilots to attack my flashy red ship on gates. I even make fun of capsuleers shedding tears in my ransom channel, citing the well established fictitious missing mining permit as the reason for why their mining cruiser was destroyed.

So I have little honour. Except I keep my promise when I offer a ransom. But that’s about it.

So I’m gonna shed some tears myself toady, as I’ve just experienced my 15 minutes of space-fame over at Rixx JavixEVOGANDA blog. It seems I was the only one “pinned down” by the awesome hunters of Lucifer’s Hammer as “everyone ran away” from them.

Well, here is the story from inside this very Rifter: I was looking for a fight. Flying solo can sometimes be boring when no targets are around, so I went to one of the places you might find other solo roamers in frigates. Good old Old Man Star. And yes, there we had a Rifter on scan. But local was filled with capsuleers of all kind of experience level, so I needed to get a visual on the ship before I would decide on whether to engage it. The pilot turned out to be quite a bit older than me, but I’ve taken down Rifters piloted by capsuleers of that experience level before and decided that this could turn out to be quite an exciting duel after all. You know, the ones were you both enter hull and even the winner has to run away with a tail of smoke between his legs. So, after a bit of jumping in and out of a few belts, always landing too far away and the other pilot warping off, he opens up a private communication channel and lets me know that he is on a planet. Now, I do not often accept such planned fights, because it takes away some of the excitement. But as said before: I wanted a fight. So I gave him a smile as I warped in on his location.

I was doomed. His shield fitted Rifter was holding up very well as my own shields quickly melted. Now, I was prepared to die, as always, and started overloading my pods navigation system to warp out in order to save my capsule. But just as the hull of my rifter starts cracking up, my overview lights up with a visit fr2om a pilot with a certain spacefame: Rixx Javix, the author of EVOGANDA and a capsuleer very much concerned with “style”.

Well, this certainly was stylish: Here I was, obviously loosing a Rifter duel, already spamming warp, reconciled with my loss, then Rixx Javix comes along (Hammer Time!) and scores the final blow. Did he order his corp mate to stand down and let the CEO get the kill? Stylish. Very stylish.

So, I hereby offer these tears to you, Rixx. Swallow them and enjoy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Two Incredible Hulks

Back in my the days, when I started my path of crime, I had a favourite high security system for my criminal activities: Allamotte. Plenty of miners were attracted to the vast selection of asteroid belts sporting quite big rocks for a CONCORD-protected system. And where there are a lot of miners, you will also find certain careless miners loading their valuable ore into disposable jettisoned containers - much to the delight of my rather cheap Iteron III. And those miners usually got pretty angry when I stole their last few hours of work, so I often had to swap the Iteron for a Rifter in order to deal with their aggression. So much for non-violent crime.

Well, I miss the miners in Allamotte. They provided for me - both in terms of ISK and aggression - but out here in the harsh wastelands that makes up low security space - I have no one that gives me cash for little effort.

In low security space you find a different breed of miners: Usually the inexperienced capsuleer in his mining cruiser wondering why I attacked him: “I was just mining?!”. Then you have the more experienced out prospecting with cheap frigates and scanners. Then there are the daredevils who bring out a Retriever or a Covetor knowing the risk, but keeping the cost of a loss low. Most of them have met my guns and a demand of some ISK transferred in exchange for their ship. You would think that these economical oriented capsuleers would do the math and pay up, but no, the miners in these vessels are usually very, very bitter and angry that you attacked and they will explode and pay for a new ship instead of saving a few millions on paying ransom.

I guess it’s sort of doing the maths anyway: The amount saved by paying ransom for a Retriever or cruiser class ship is only a few millions. And this is probably a fair price for not letting me get the satisfaction of getting their ISK. Now, a Hulk would be a whole different game.

So, the first time I ever saw a Hulk in low sec on my 360 degrees directional scanner, my wallet got high expectations. This is a ship that can provide a ransom of 100 mill ISK, or more, and at the same time offer the miner a substantial saving when compared to loosing his ship. This time I was in a low sec pocket and I feared that the Hulk was just passing through, already in warp to the gate. Oh boy, was I wrong: He was happily mining all alone at the top belt! My Rifter made i quickly through shield and armour and a ransom of 100 million ISK was offered. But the answer was no. Apparently he had spent his last ISK on this ship. So it all ended in a big explosion and a frozen corpse was added to my collection. A sad ending for a huge pile of ISK.

Now the second time I saw a Hulk in low security space, was just a few days ago. This time in another pocket and I had the same fear that it was just moving through. Thankfully I was wrong again! I had 15 belts on 360 degree scan and I had to start scanning each and every one of them. Luck was on my side: On the second belt i scanned I found the Hulk. I could already see my wallet blinking. However, there were two other pilots in the system, and I smelled a trap.

After just a few volleys (I had just had the time to make sure I had him scrambled, that I had not started overheating any modules by a mistake and just generally trying to calm down) the Hulk pilot opened up a private communication channel and uttered the this beautiful sentence: “I’ll pay!” Now here we had a willing customer, finally! The adrenaline, and maybe the fear of interfering capsuleers, pushed aside the fact that I knew the prices of Hulks have risen lately and I offered the standard rate: 100 million ISK. My wallet blinked! I instantly regretted not saying 130 or maybe even 150. But then again, I recalled some early theory lessons on piracy and ransom: Never increase or regret the offered ransom.

And I had to remember: I had just made a lot more ISK than I lost the last month!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Donations Appreciated

Today one of the most amazing things happened to me in my life as a Capsuleer. Someone donated me 100 million ISK. I have no idea who this pilot is. It might be a silly mistake, it might be a random act of goodness, it might be a generous alt of some friendly pilots. I don't know. So I sent him this:

I do not know you, I have no idea why you gave me 100 mill ISK - if it was a mistake or if it was of pure goodness. Whatever the reason I thank you very much. Since I am a poor pirate with few skills, other than for shooting at other ships, this kind of income is greatly appreciated.
I will add you as a contact with excellent standing and should we ever meet in space I will consider ransom already payed.
Fly safe and best wishes from Saftsuze.

PS: Should you ever feel the need to spread some more ISK love, my wallet is always open for donations.

And that PS applies to you, the reader as well.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Taranis to structure

Well, a few days ago i tried out a rather expensive shield Rifter. It blew up after an Enyo landed on top of me and another Rifter I had decided to engage without proper research or even a quick look through local... Not a good fight.

Today I did however meet an eager-to-fight pilot in a Taranis at a gate. And I thought: What the hell, why not try? And so I did. I was actually amazed by how the shield held for a long time (long in the context of a frigate fight) and I managed to get the Taranis into structure before my overheated guns had no more hull to hold on to and I had to start thinking about my clone instead.

Two expensive Rifters exploded without any kills - but one very good fight. Not too good, but I must say I like the shielded version a lot and will definately get another batch delivered to me.