Monday, March 17, 2014

How To Become A Pirate: Patience.

A gentleman contacted me from the other side of the universe. I accepted the call and what follows is a slightly edited version of our talk. Some content has been taken out, some polishing has been done on spelling and structure, but it should not have affected the content.

Sal Corleone > Greetings!
Saftsuze > What may I help you with? Facial hair growth treatment?
Sal Corleone > I had a conversation with you yesterday through my associate.
Saftsuze > Ah! It’s you!
Sal Corleone > I downloaded and read a copy of your log “The Criminal Countdown Lounge”
Saftsuze > I am glad to hear that. Did you find entertainment?
Sal Corleone > You have converted me! I have decided to become a pirate - a well groomed and attired one at that.
Saftsuze > Sir, I am very happy to hear that!
Sal Corleone > I may ask you for advice on pirating once in a while, if you would be so kind with assistance?
Saftsuze > No problem! My first advice: You will lose a lot of ships.
Sal Corleone > I’m going to build my first pirate ship now. An Incursus-class frigate.
Saftsuze > Excellent choice. I have more than 400 losses now. 250 of them is probably from my first 3-6 months as a pirate. And the 100 first are probably that very same class of frigates: Incursus.
Sal Corleone > Losing ships won’t bother me. I have a rich benefactor.
Saftsuze > Excellent. So do I. Well, not very rich, but he keeps me in frigates. My uncle Earl runs a shop called Guns & Banjos in Aeschee - go visit him should you ever need anything while in low sec.
Sal Corleone > I think I have enough to support my losses for a while.
Saftsuze > Excellent. Isk is one thing. Another is pride and self confidence. You will lose quite a lot of them as well, so keep them stocked as well. And patience. Did I mention patience? I run out of it all the time. Number one killer of my ships.


Sal Corleone > I won’t bug you anymore tonight, but thanks for talking.
Saftsuze > No worries, mate. Any time. Join 'The Autocannon' as well. One of the most important assets for a solo pirate is to have other solo pirate friends. But if you get over the psychological and financial obstacles - being a solo pirate is the best life you can choose in this universe. I would highly recommend joining a solo pirate corp like Black Dragon Fighting Society - and later earn yourself a black jacket from the Black Rebel Rifter Club.

And with some pleasantries the conversation ended. I am looking forward to hear from him a few months from now. I’m sure he will have ships enough. But patience? And self confidence? My spirit has been overheated and burnt out many times.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Making A Name For Myself

The Moustache Mystery Man
A questionable scumbag with the name of Rixx Javix has included me in his Pirate Trading Card collection. I must admit I feel more honored than I had thought I would. To be honest I did not believe I would make it into the collection. I sure was hoping. I have to admit that, even though I tend to look to Rixx more for popcorn-friendly drama than honorable recognition. But he sure is one hell of a contributor to the general capsuleer population and I am one big sucker for compliments and recognition. 

And Rixx really deserves recognition for his work. Relentless provider of content. Both for planetside and in-capsule consumption.

So. I would love nothing more than to give Rixx Javix a well deserved armortherapy and some deep structure peeling. Free of charge with love from Upper Lip Finesse. I'll probably end up with a sore clone, though.

And my name? It sure is a mystery.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Very Important Customer

I had been chasing a pair of sexy lips for a while, but they were slipping away all the time. Then suddenly they changed their mind and embraced my hard Kestrel of love. Instant karma.

Now, in this intense moment of intimacy, a whole fleet comes bursting through the gates of Onne. They are old corp mates of mine:
sexylips2012 Gaterau > gf
Brink Albosa >Saftsuze o/
Saftsuze > gf
Merk Stainz >Saftsuze o/
Lucas Padecain >Saftsuze o/
Saftsuze > o7 riftas
sexylips2012 Gaterau > Hahaha you called all them for me
Saftsuze > heh, yeah
sexylips2012 Gaterau > noob bye any wAYS
Saftsuze > she mad
Some customers really think highly of themselves.