The Milk Men and Their Bottleship

I was out looking for trouble, when one of The Milk Men, a milk delivery service corporation based in a backwater low sec pocket, and whose services I had been interrupting for a while, spoke out in the public local communication channel:

Zen RaKis > all kidding aside, that is indeed a sexy moustache

He was right, and boosted by this statement of the obvious, I felt rather invincible. I jumped into their headquarter system with my cursed Jaguar (those Jaguars dies on me all the time) looking for a treat of calsium.

When browsing the results of my 360 degrees scan of the central parts of the system, I almost jumped out of my pod when I got to the bottom result: An Abaddon Armageddon (see end note 3). In a system filled with fresh recruits! I narrow him down to a single belt, and sure thing: Here we have a bottleship serving the local Serpentis population milk and cookies! I warp in to get some too. I land almost right on top of him and start pounding him with projectiles and a few rockets on the side.

Drev Olacar > I am screwed lol

Well, I doubt it, because there is a lot of fellow Milk Men in system, and I know it is only a matter of time before they show up. His armor is however slowly withering away. Then, as I suspected, a Hurricane, a Myrmidon and a Caracal shows up on my scanner result. Oh well, I will keep on firing until they arrive: This guy deserves a lesson. And that Noble Exchange store needs to build up demand for new underwear!

But they don’t show up! I keep ripping off his armor plates and no backup shows up on my overview! Hell, I even get into his structure! What is taking them so long? Is there a Serpentis Baron demanding huge amounts of milk delivered? As the following conversation shows: He was indeed in need of new underwear as he kept giving his saviours the wrong location because he was too busy trying to save his new trousers and boots from his rather unpleasant accident.

I was so close to killing a battleship all by myself, so I decided to let my Jaguar be sacrificed to the Assault Ship Gods in a last effort to get the kill. With my guns overheated I exploded as the backup finally landed in the correct belt and sent my Jaguar to join my other Jaguars in Assault Ship Heaven.

Saftsuze > oh my god - that was sooo worth it
Saftsuze > THIS close to soloing a battleship :p
guzmancho > nice bro
Zen RaKis > lol get your sexy moustache out of here :P
guzmancho > i love his mustache =P
guzmancho > hes a cool pirate =P
Zen RaKis > it is truly a thing of beauty
Saftsuze > Drev Olacar - need new underpants? Too bad the Noble Exchange aint got any yet!
White Bear Maricadie > lol
guzmancho > ripped =P
Saftsuze > :D
Zen RaKis > damn it now he is all skully, skully scares me o_O
Drev Olacar > hehe I was so out of my league : )
Saftsuze > You will learn, kid. We have all been there :)
Drev Olacar > you got my adrenaline up that is for sure : )
Zen RaKis > hey at least he wasn't trying to tank a pvp Rifter in a Retriever
Zen RaKis > that doesn't work in case you were wondering o_O
guzmancho > lol
Drev Olacar > nope I leave that to you Zen : )
Saftsuze > Isnt it a beauty? The adrenaline?! I have it too :D
guzmancho > :)
Drev Olacar > having a post coital cigarette now : )
White Bear Maricadie > lol
Saftsuze > Man, I love you Milk Men, you provide vitamins for us pirates with scurvy :)
guzmancho > =P
guzmancho > we also privde the guns and ammo and ships =P
Saftsuze > But guys, you shouldve let me finish off that battleship. It wouldve been my pride kill of all times andDrev Olacar wouldve learned a lesson!
guzmancho > that you use against us >< :D Saftsuze > The EVE economy in a nutshell :D
guzmancho > he has not to give wrong belt liek 4 times =P
Saftsuze > I was wondering why you guys took so long _ LOL
guzmancho > hehe
White Bear Maricadie > 1 more wrong belt and you would of had him

ONE MORE WRONG BELT AND I WOULD’VE HAD HIM!


End note 1:
After this episode I started flying around in a Dramiel. And sure thing: When flying an overpowered ship (in a few days I killed a couple of faction frigates with ease), I get corrupted and start feeling overpowered myself and think I can get away from anything. Well, I am glad that the Milk Men got some nice drops from me so they can continue keeping me fully stocked with milk and cookies and happy hunting times.


End note 2:
After my Dramiel loss I was going back to Rifters. I had a few laying around with a new fitting I wanted to try. However, on my way back in my pod to pick them up I noticed a Dominix in a mission. I quickly got a probing ship and pinpointed him. Now, the only viable ship in my hanger to kill it with was a Dramiel! So back into a Dramiel I go, and boom goes my first solo battleship kill! Of course it would've been a lot more stylish in a Rifter, but there was not time to get one.


End note 3:
After showing mr. Drev Olacar this heroic tale of my doomed Jaguar, he made me aware that it was his Armageddon I had attacked and not an Abaddon. Well, there you go, I've barely stuck my pod into a cruiser, so how would I know the difference? Anyway, it was a big big battleship!

Me Killed Drake, Me Now GOOD Kill!

Capessa > it's exhausting me chasing you around Saftsuze!
Capessa > would you just stay still for a bit! lol
Saftsuze > oh, are you chasing me?
CptBen > he's delaying for backup
Capessa > nah, he's a good solo pilot, even though I see he's joined a new crew
Capessa > I saw him solo a drake in his rifter once
Capessa > I was too far away to get to him until it went pop
Saftsuze > yeah, we competed for that drake, didnt we?
(Log slightly edited for readability)

At this point I had to break out of my little moment of narcissism as I realised I was at a gate and being targeted by a Harbinger or something of that size - so I had to jump.

A bit later I find a noob in a Rupture and start pounding his armor with no effect. Then I notice a local pirate entering local and I probably have to accept that this kill is going to be lost to his Stabber Fleet Issue. I get out of disruptor range just as he lands on grid. Since I am such a gentleman scumbag, I offer a salute in local:

Saftsuze > o7 Buck
Buck Flintrock > howdy
Buck Flintrock > fast little bastard
Buck Flintrock > lol
Saftsuze > you didnt get him either?
Buck Flintrock > I was trying to get you
Buck Flintrock > black rifter is better kill than some noob lol
Saftsuze > :D
Randolph Wambaugh > uh I'm right here guys
Saftsuze > LOL
Buck Flintrock > oops sorry

So, it turns out I am no longer the noob I was last summer. I like it. But I still die a lot, though, so don't get too proud if you happen to make me go boom!

Now, go read Bucks blog over at http://buckflintrock.blogspot.com/!