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The Menu of 

The Criminal Countdown Lounge

Aperitif

Testimonials
A fine selection of Opinions, Judgements and Greetings
from other capsuleers sprinkled with a touch of pride.

Main Course
The Log

Hearty Fights and tender Chat Logs from Flying in Space
served with Moustache Mojo Sauce.

Cheese Plate
The Library

Heavy tools, light and smooth tips and tricks
followed by strong guides.

Dessert
ISK Transfer Service

Sweet numbers of ISK collected by violent persuasion. Melting fast.

Steamy Rifter Windows

Me and Lady Shaniqua in local. Alone. I did not manage to come up with something smart to say, and she left. Of course. I am a nobody compared to her. Did she at least notice my moustache?

Thankfully she appeared again a few systems further down my route. In that same system was also my corp mate Lhorenzo with his wonderfully wierd trippel propped Dramiel. But he was not there for long and Lady Shaniqua judged his fit in typical fashion: “Two afterburners? That is DUBBALY KRIMINAL!”

Could I avenge my poor corp mate, who also has a crush on the lady? After a long and hard think, I proposed a Rifter duel. The Lady did not let me down and told me to meet her in Ardar, where she had a Rifter “of some sort”. On my way there I had to consider what kind of Rifter to bring as I had a stack of them nearby. It was clear to me that my only chance was to avoid a close up fight. It was time to fly the 280mm Howitzer Fit, stolen and refined from my corp mate Tomba, who again stole it from the late Sobczynski. I named it Moustache Man and warped to the Ardar gate.

Lady Shaniqua instantly invited me to a Bunker in system and I warped to 100 km off the warp-in point, but via a safe spot in system in case she had outsmarted me and was waiting 100 km off the bunker aligned to the gate I was coming from. It worked. She was 47 km away. Perfect. Last time I fought with this arty fit I got too close and an overheated web killed me. I was not going to make that mistake again. I aimed for a slightly wider orbit than last time. Every module was overheated. My heart was overheated. My fingers were overheated. The pod goo surrounding me was boiling.

Lady Shaniqua > I knew you would bring one of those annoying arty Rifters. 

And I knew I had to bring one to have a tiny little chance to VIOLENCE HER BOAT.

End note: With everything on fire - my hands, my ship, my modules and my mind - I ended a great night out with the signature action of an overheated hothead: Making a stupid mistake. Moustache Man was supposed to ornate my hanger, heavily damaged with only approximately 15 % hull left, as a reminder for me to always keep trying the impossible. It ended like every other Rifter I’ve owned: As a wreck in space. I had warped to a gate and only then noticed I had a Global Criminal Countdown going on. And so ended a night of great achievements for a humble Rifter pilot.

Moustache Mojo Level V

It started with a long and hard look in the mirror. Once again I was about to clutter my handsome looks with nasty pod goo and go look for trouble in my Rifter. I told the man in the mirror that this messy affair would have to better be worth it, or else I would have to just start walking in stations instead of flying in space. This time, I said to myself, I will kill something, and, I will survive.

I'm looking at the man in the mirror.

With my moustache ruined once again by the pod goo, I undocked and fired up the directional scanner. Thrasher on 360. Hmm. Mostly nasty pilots in local, but one fresh recruit. If he is the Thrasher pilot, then maybe Old Man's Rifter stands a chance. It was him.

Refreshed by an ice cold body in the cargohold, I headed towards newly scouted systems, still eager to kill — and survive. I found a Punisher lurking at a planet, and since he was having trouble with his ammo loading system, I took him down with ease. Lady Luck was smiling to me. I smiled back.

I gave the Punisher pilot a few tricks on how to hack the ammo system by manually overriding the weapon systems grouping computer, as I just had learned myself from my corp mates. We departed on good terms and the hunt for other flying objects continued.

I headed for a pocket. I have good experiences with pockets. You can find a lot of interesting stuff if you stick your hand into a pocket: Fresh recruits with a false feeling of safety. Naive miners thinking this is off limits for flashy red scumbags. Mission runners with no clue that they have left CONCORD protected space. And other lone hunters like myself. You very seldom find blobs of "elite" fighters.

In this very pocket I poked around for a bit and a Dramiel appeared. That usually means I am moving on. But, as I was in a low populated pocket, I could be very certain this Dramiel was piloted by a fresh pilot. He could very well be feeling safe and invincible in his übership of awesomeness. I narrowed him down to a belt, but when I landed I was alone among the asteroids. Strange. Was he at a safe close to the belt, but off the grid? I started scanning the nearest celestials while sitting still at the central warp-in point. I did not have to scan for long. He came to me.

I was wrong: He wasn't feeling safe. He was feeling cocky, that young, spoiled and rich brat. But youngsters tend to be a bit too eager and never have the stamina for keeping it up long enough. And sure enough, 30 seconds later his shiny Dramiel was a pile of junk just like any other exploded frigate. God damn! The Old Man was feeling sexy tonight!

Now, this would have been a great ending of an explosive night out with Old Man’s Rifter. But there was more to come: Lady Shaniqua! In local!

To be continued.

Moustache Mojo Missing

I have been far too busy lately. My junior crew has been demanding, and so I have spent more time than recommended by the health authorities, on paper work and administration. My doctor has ordered me to get at least one kill on average per day, and keep my 3:1 kill ratio in order to keep my blood pressure down and endorphin production on a healthy level. I have failed on this. And the result is devastating.

I am supposed to feel sexy and deadly when grooming my moustache and boarding yet another Rifter. Instead I feel insecure, nervous and not at all in tip top shape. My mojo is missing.

On the other side of things. My time spent on administration of my little gang of culprits (not the Rebels, they manage very well on their own and under Miura Bulls inspiring leadership) has led to new opportunities in ISK-making activities, and hopefully it will culminate in a decent heist making me enough ISK to keep Rifters exploding for a few months.

Now. I just have to find my mojo, and I will be back with more tales of moustache powered battlecruiser take-downs. Or just a mining Navitas. There will be pod goo.

The Milk Men and Their Bottleship

I was out looking for trouble, when one of The Milk Men, a milk delivery service corporation based in a backwater low sec pocket, and whose services I had been interrupting for a while, spoke out in the public local communication channel:

Zen RaKis > all kidding aside, that is indeed a sexy moustache

He was right, and boosted by this statement of the obvious, I felt rather invincible. I jumped into their headquarter system with my cursed Jaguar (those Jaguars dies on me all the time) looking for a treat of calsium.

When browsing the results of my 360 degrees scan of the central parts of the system, I almost jumped out of my pod when I got to the bottom result: An Abaddon Armageddon (see end note 3). In a system filled with fresh recruits! I narrow him down to a single belt, and sure thing: Here we have a bottleship serving the local Serpentis population milk and cookies! I warp in to get some too. I land almost right on top of him and start pounding him with projectiles and a few rockets on the side.

Drev Olacar > I am screwed lol

Well, I doubt it, because there is a lot of fellow Milk Men in system, and I know it is only a matter of time before they show up. His armor is however slowly withering away. Then, as I suspected, a Hurricane, a Myrmidon and a Caracal shows up on my scanner result. Oh well, I will keep on firing until they arrive: This guy deserves a lesson. And that Noble Exchange store needs to build up demand for new underwear!

But they don’t show up! I keep ripping off his armor plates and no backup shows up on my overview! Hell, I even get into his structure! What is taking them so long? Is there a Serpentis Baron demanding huge amounts of milk delivered? As the following conversation shows: He was indeed in need of new underwear as he kept giving his saviours the wrong location because he was too busy trying to save his new trousers and boots from his rather unpleasant accident.

I was so close to killing a battleship all by myself, so I decided to let my Jaguar be sacrificed to the Assault Ship Gods in a last effort to get the kill. With my guns overheated I exploded as the backup finally landed in the correct belt and sent my Jaguar to join my other Jaguars in Assault Ship Heaven.

Saftsuze > oh my god - that was sooo worth it
Saftsuze > THIS close to soloing a battleship :p
guzmancho > nice bro
Zen RaKis > lol get your sexy moustache out of here :P
guzmancho > i love his mustache =P
guzmancho > hes a cool pirate =P
Zen RaKis > it is truly a thing of beauty
Saftsuze > Drev Olacar - need new underpants? Too bad the Noble Exchange aint got any yet!
White Bear Maricadie > lol
guzmancho > ripped =P
Saftsuze > :D
Zen RaKis > damn it now he is all skully, skully scares me o_O
Drev Olacar > hehe I was so out of my league : )
Saftsuze > You will learn, kid. We have all been there :)
Drev Olacar > you got my adrenaline up that is for sure : )
Zen RaKis > hey at least he wasn't trying to tank a pvp Rifter in a Retriever
Zen RaKis > that doesn't work in case you were wondering o_O
guzmancho > lol
Drev Olacar > nope I leave that to you Zen : )
Saftsuze > Isnt it a beauty? The adrenaline?! I have it too :D
guzmancho > :)
Drev Olacar > having a post coital cigarette now : )
White Bear Maricadie > lol
Saftsuze > Man, I love you Milk Men, you provide vitamins for us pirates with scurvy :)
guzmancho > =P
guzmancho > we also privde the guns and ammo and ships =P
Saftsuze > But guys, you shouldve let me finish off that battleship. It wouldve been my pride kill of all times andDrev Olacar wouldve learned a lesson!
guzmancho > that you use against us >< :D Saftsuze > The EVE economy in a nutshell :D
guzmancho > he has not to give wrong belt liek 4 times =P
Saftsuze > I was wondering why you guys took so long _ LOL
guzmancho > hehe
White Bear Maricadie > 1 more wrong belt and you would of had him

ONE MORE WRONG BELT AND I WOULD’VE HAD HIM!


End note 1:
After this episode I started flying around in a Dramiel. And sure thing: When flying an overpowered ship (in a few days I killed a couple of faction frigates with ease), I get corrupted and start feeling overpowered myself and think I can get away from anything. Well, I am glad that the Milk Men got some nice drops from me so they can continue keeping me fully stocked with milk and cookies and happy hunting times.


End note 2:
After my Dramiel loss I was going back to Rifters. I had a few laying around with a new fitting I wanted to try. However, on my way back in my pod to pick them up I noticed a Dominix in a mission. I quickly got a probing ship and pinpointed him. Now, the only viable ship in my hanger to kill it with was a Dramiel! So back into a Dramiel I go, and boom goes my first solo battleship kill! Of course it would've been a lot more stylish in a Rifter, but there was not time to get one.


End note 3:
After showing mr. Drev Olacar this heroic tale of my doomed Jaguar, he made me aware that it was his Armageddon I had attacked and not an Abaddon. Well, there you go, I've barely stuck my pod into a cruiser, so how would I know the difference? Anyway, it was a big big battleship!

Me Killed Drake, Me Now GOOD Kill!

Capessa > it's exhausting me chasing you around Saftsuze!
Capessa > would you just stay still for a bit! lol
Saftsuze > oh, are you chasing me?
CptBen > he's delaying for backup
Capessa > nah, he's a good solo pilot, even though I see he's joined a new crew
Capessa > I saw him solo a drake in his rifter once
Capessa > I was too far away to get to him until it went pop
Saftsuze > yeah, we competed for that drake, didnt we?
(Log slightly edited for readability)

At this point I had to break out of my little moment of narcissism as I realised I was at a gate and being targeted by a Harbinger or something of that size - so I had to jump.

A bit later I find a noob in a Rupture and start pounding his armor with no effect. Then I notice a local pirate entering local and I probably have to accept that this kill is going to be lost to his Stabber Fleet Issue. I get out of disruptor range just as he lands on grid. Since I am such a gentleman scumbag, I offer a salute in local:

Saftsuze > o7 Buck
Buck Flintrock > howdy
Buck Flintrock > fast little bastard
Buck Flintrock > lol
Saftsuze > you didnt get him either?
Buck Flintrock > I was trying to get you
Buck Flintrock > black rifter is better kill than some noob lol
Saftsuze > :D
Randolph Wambaugh > uh I'm right here guys
Saftsuze > LOL
Buck Flintrock > oops sorry

So, it turns out I am no longer the noob I was last summer. I like it. But I still die a lot, though, so don't get too proud if you happen to make me go boom!

Now, go read Bucks blog over at http://buckflintrock.blogspot.com/!

A Polite Response To A Fresh Capsuleers Question

Gaspaa595 > where are you pirates hanging ?
Saftsuze > here

1 item added to The Cold Storage.